im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
