Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
