Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
