He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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