I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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