someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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