cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
