i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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