i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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