Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
