Got a toothbrush?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
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