Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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