Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
