I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
