im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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