the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
