Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you will always have a special place in my vag
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
