So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
