I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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