$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
