I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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