Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Watching her eat just hurts me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
