So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
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It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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