A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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