Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
