Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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