I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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