I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
