Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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