Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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