Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
