Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
