My first STD was from a foam party
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
