Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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