That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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