Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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