I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
