My liver just broke up with me...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
