when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so explain again why im purple
no
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
