You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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