I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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