He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We're too hungover to prance.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
