I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
there is puke in my bra ... again
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