I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
