I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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