What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
