operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
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Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
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I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed