I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen