You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you traded sex for a burrito?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
