woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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