I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
