and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
