here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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