Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
