every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
