He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
