Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
