She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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