i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
