I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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